Congratulations! You’re having a baby! Whether your baby is coming from your body, a surrogate, or from a complete stranger you’ll never know, I congratulate you on taking this journey! It is full of ups, downs, sideways turns, and upside down moments where you are running blind next to a self imposed cliff of failure. There are thousands of books and articles and movies and classes you can devour to brighten your path…but where do you start?

I’m not here to sell you a way of parenting, or give you all the answers, as honestly that doesn’t work. Parenting is about finding your own answers, your own solutions, your own style. Only you will know what is best, and sometimes that means not having a clue and figuring it out on the way. This article is about getting you started on your journey. About where you go after you know a baby is coming into your life.

1. Find a Community! 

Once you know that you’re having a baby, there is a lot to research. I started with the traditional “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” and I quickly realized it wasn’t for me. I don’t want to stress about every little thing that may happen, as it very likely will not. What I did instead, was talk to my pregnant friends. I was lucky enough to have friends pregnant 8 weeks ahead of me and many many cousins having babies within 4 weeks of me as well. If you are not that fortunate, join a mommy group on facebook, find a blog to follow! See what other pregnant women are going through, ask questions, be open minded. The same goes for parents that are adopting or using a surrogate. Books and articles do not prepare you adequately and they leave out the human companionship that helps you get through the hardships and rough moments.

2. HealthCare

How are you going to track your pregnancy medically? What does your insurance cover? Will you be using a mid-wife? Or an obstetrics doctor? Will you be delivering in a hospital? Or at home? Don’t have a clue? Find a blog or group detailing someone’s real experiences. What did they go through? Is that what you want? There is no right way to do this. You can start on one path and switch to another! Right now you are in control of this. Do not do something you aren’t comfortable with and don’t stay with a practice or doctor you don’t 100% love.

If, like me, there were 0 doctors or practices that met your needs, you are going to have a bit harder go, but this isnt the norm. If this is the case, and, like me, insurance doesn’t cover a midwife, you’re going to have to do a lot of your own medical research. You are going to have to strong arm your doctors to listen and do tests. The reason I’m telling you this is not to scare you, but set your expectations. This can happen and I was completely and utterly blindsided by the lack of humanity shown by the doctors in my area. Many practices nowadays have lots of OB’s (prenatal doctors) and you see a different one each time. They run you through like cattle and only care about initial test results. If they are only somewhat out of whack, unless a computer algorithim tells them its an emergency, they are going to smile, tell you everything is fine and normal. If you do not fit the text book 100% they won’t think much of it until there is a serious problem. So do research and make sure they notate any and all of your concerns in your chart. Suddenly, when you require they write down what’s going on, they care so they aren’t liable if something goes wrong.

3. Fun Stuff

What do you want to do before baby gets here? Do you want to go on a Babymoon? Are you having a gender reveal party? Are you having a baby shower? Or multiple baby showers (families in different states)? It is best to start the planning of such things as soon as possible; especially if you’re the pregant one, your energy and how you feel likely will get…lower than expected as the pregnancy goes on. You will be exceptionally grateful to your past self for doing the leg work for these fun events, otherwise they might turn into a headache vs. a celebration.

This is where pinterest comes in handy! Start pinning ideas and destinations, etc. whenever you start feeling stressed out about this journey. You don’t have to pursue each one of them, but just having ideas for when you go to plan will be a major help. And, let’s be honest, pinning is a lot of fun and a stress relief in itself.

4. Finances

The most stressful part of having a baby can be curbed with just a little planning. Something as simple as putting away 10% of every paycheck since you found out your pregnant can make a difference. Even if you are well set financially, it’s always good to have a nest egg just in case things don’t go as planned with your little one. When planning financially for a baby, there are a LOT of things to consider, are you going to stay home with the baby? For how long? What parental leave does your company offer? Do you plan to breast feed or formula feed? This article is just to get you started with having this conversation, whether with yourself or with your partner. The sooner you get this discussion out of the way though, the sooner you can get one with the more enjoyable stuff!

5. Baby Goods

Of course you need diapers, wipes, clothes, burp clothes, and you will likely get plenty at your baby shower; but what about the stuff that will make your life easier? What kind of lifestyle do you and your partner lead? Do you travel a lot? Do you hike a lot? Do you only want green products (glass bottles instead of plastic, etc.)? Do you only want Organic products? What cleaning products are safe for baby? The list is endless, but focus on what is necessar for your lifestyle and preferences. For us, we travel A LOT so getting a travel system was my highest priority. We also aren’t a fan of plastic so we have glass bottles. Things like this take some time to research so start early as there are so many options. It’s fairly enjoyable to research and you’ll thank yourself when it comes time to focus on adding items to your registry.